Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
