So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
