Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
