I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
