so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
