Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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