Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there was a trapeze. enough said
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
