New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I currently don't understand fingers.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
