I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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