I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
