I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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