Can i not drive my cunt home
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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