Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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