True but thats because hes a fetus.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
