my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
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