my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
