I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
