I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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