I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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