all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
