All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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