I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
