So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
