1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
