You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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