Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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