haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
