Do you still have your period?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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