just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
