My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
