I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
