Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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