I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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