i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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