I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
