Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
