I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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