God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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