Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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