she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
