Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
