i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
