never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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