Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
