Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
