Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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