Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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