Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
