So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
