Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
